sometimes my itunes gets stuck on one song. this is not a natural occurrence, something that my itunes does all on its own. nor is it a technological glitch. it gets stuck on one song because i make it get stuck on one song. sometimes, even though that song is embedded deep within the expanses of a playlist, that one song is the only song that will do.
right now, this is that one song:
it's hard to say what determines which song will be the chosen song. this was my last repeater:
and this was the one before that:
many say that the eyes are the windows into a person's soul. and i don't disagree with that. music is the front door, the hallway, the kitchen, the bedroom, and even some secret passageways. if you can get your hands on someone's music, you have their answers right there for your inspection. you might not know exactly how to put it all together, but i believe that people's songs can tell you almost everything you need to know about a body.
my new class-crush is 18, colombian, and decided to study at the university instead of playing professional soccer. whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
today was the second day of class, a day the school sets aside for diagnostics and i set aside to get to know my students. yesterday i introduced myself a little bit to them, told them where i'm from, where i studied, that i love soccer and jazz basketball even though they were abysmal this year. and then i told them about jacob lake. then we started talking about the idea of being unique. i said that growing up at the north rim of the grand canyon working at my 88 year old family business is something that makes me unique. their homework assignment was to to think of something that makes them truly unique and come to class ready to give a 3-4 minute presentation about it.
today was one of my favorite class days ever. one girl talked about how she cooked pasta in order to get into investigators homes and preach the gospel. a guy talked about taking bike tours across s. korea. this is where i found out that my latest glp chose education over pro soccer. we also learned that one girl has 25 dogs at home and collects more whenever she can and that another girl likes to eat her cereal with eggs.
but my favorite story came from a brazilian student named samantha. i had her in my class last semester and have always been impressed with her. she talked about her conversion story.
she is 32 years old and came to america for the sole purpose of improving her english so she could advance in the company she was working for. her boss told her that she should come to provo to learn because there are a lot of nice people who would help her. she thought that sounded good, so she came at the beginning of january. when she got here, she was immersed in mormons. so they, being the good member missionaries that they are, invited her to church. she went because she thought it would be another good way to learn english. she liked the way that she felt there, so she decided she'd let the missionaries come over and teach her a discussion. after their first visit, the missionaries asked her if she'd get baptized on february 19 (about two weeks). she said "no! i don't know anything about this church! it is strange to me! i am here for my english!" so, the missionaries asked her to kneel and pray for them. they then marked some scriptures for her and asked her to read them that night and see how she felt. after reading the verses, she knew they were true. "i got my testimony. i knowed the church is true, that joseph smithe is prophet, that this church is a good church, the right church. so i called the missionaries in the morning and said to them that i would be baptized." the missionaries were overjoyed, of course. and she was baptized with her friend on february 19.
i went to that baptism. it was stunning. i've never felt the spirit like that before. the meeting was in portuguese, but i understood it. i don't know that i understood the actual words so much as the meaning and emotion that they conveyed. i've never been so impressed by the importance and potency of the gospel and the God that it proclaims. i got a little, tiny taste of what it must be like to be in the mission field and see people convert and change their lives to accommodate this saving grace.
i never dreamed that being a teacher would touch my live in the ways it has.
america is a lousy teacher of love. what it has taught me is to be guarded and gamey. be subtle, but not too subtle. show interest, but play hard to get. make them chase you, but only so far. use smoke-screens and thick innuendos. this is how we do it in the grand old US of A.
it is not how they do it elsewhere, however.
i spend much of my time with boys from elsewhere. and i am baffled, flummoxed, bewildered, bemused, stumped, fazed, and mystified by how they date. because it is ALL up front. you think your teacher is pretty? tell her. every day. no deceit. no propriety. just the truth. you meet a stranger outside of your school and think she's beautiful? get her number and text her about it 5 minutes later. just say it. send pictures of yourself. call repeatedly leaving messages every time. but nevermind that, as an american, she has no clue what to do with your outright advances.
this is a text conversation i had today:
him, "hei katie i hope i see you soon at some party..."
me, "i hope i see you too."
him, "someone told me you're a really good dancer, right?
me, "haha, i don't know. i think that you are probably much better."
him, "let see. i'd like to dance with you someday"
me, "let's see..."
here i am sounding hopelessly, coldly, protectedly american. he says he wants to dance. i say "let's see", which isn't an answer nor is it grammatically correct. i responded like a parrot, using his own words, unwilling, perhaps unable? to tell him i'd like to dance with him someday too and that i've been using my roommate's brazilian butt work out for weeks for just such an event.
now, in my defense, this particular conversation is a little bit more complicated because he is the best friend of my original ELC international crush. my flirting capabilities with these boys are already at half-mast, but add stepping on best friends' toes and i am a fish completely out of water, flopping around, gulping for H2O saturated air.
and that happened to me quite recently. while cruising the metropolitan streets of salt lake city, i glanced to my right and saw a car that seemed distantly familiar. and it hit me. it was the car of my one-true-high-school-love. there he was, in all of his glory. he'd aged well. so, naturally, what i wanted and needed to do was car-chase him until he arrived at wherever he was heading (hopefully a store and not a house), stalk him inside, and pretend like we'd just happened to run into each other. this was the obvious and only course to take. so, i began doing precisely that. he pulled into a parking lot after only two blocks...the parking lot of a store...the state liquor store...
it was no real surprise to me. he'd never been a member and had started partying pretty hard core junior year, so the tragedy of the moment wasn't over his mortal soul. it was because he'd pulled into the one place where i couldn't follow him. what business could i possibly have in a store dedicated to the sale of alcohol? none business. and he, of all people, would know that. the deep, deep injustice of it all has haunted me ever since. i hated not being able to follow love.
this isn't a serious experience of my life. more like humorously ironic. but there is a deeper correlation that doesn't need to be delved for: sometimes opportunities have expiration dates. sometimes things really do come to an end and the can't be recreated or brought about again. nowhere is this more hurtful than in love. it sucks when the love timer sounds and ends.
you make me believe that you are bringing warmth and light into my life after surviving months and months of grey and cold. i know i shouldn't trust you. i know you are dangerous. i know that every time you come around (which is yearly) you break my heart. you get my hopes up. i see all sorts of hidden potential in you, sunny days on grassy knolls surrounded by budding flowers, baby bunnies, and chirping birds. you could be so, so many good things that i want to be a part of. and then, you snow. you take all of my dreams and you burry them under 6 inches of freezing white fluff and with them my heart and my love. i should learn my lesson. i should quit you. i should stop believing that my devotion and my faith could change you and make you into the steady and dependably sunny spring month that you should be. but i won't. because after this snowstorm, you will show me a glimpse of spring, and that will make me fall for you over and over again. and when you've passed and gone, i will fall for april, an even bigger gamer than you.
