international cinema

i was in this movie today with my dear tessie and relishing the sensation of actually understanding the foreign language being spoken around me when she turned to me and said, "we need to start watching more foreign films."  and my answer was, "my life IS a foreign film."

i'm not sure what kind of a foreign film my life is, if it is a killer romance, a charming and enchanting fantasy, a heart-twister, a classic, or just trash, but it sure is something.  and as soon as i made that connection, i obviously started casting the characters of my movielife.

i have decided i would allow myself to be played by:

marion cotillard (since we look EXACTLY
alike)

dame judy dench (she is a Lady and so am i...
in my film)

frieda pinto (did you see her dance-moves at the end
of slumdog?)

amanda bynes (her acting track record is sterling)

and these are actors who i think have the chops to play my leading foreign man (though some of the choices aren't foreign, per se...)

jack black (i just have an inexplicable crush on him)

nicolas cazale (let's be honest, who
can argue with those looks?)

cristiano rinaldo (for the intense soccer scenes)

capitan jack sparrow (or johnnny depp.
either will do.)

i also think that the soundtrack would probably be a mashup of 50 cent and caetano veloso.   please play these songs as the exact same time, or as close to the exact same time as you can, to achieve the ambience.

i'm still deciding where it should be set.  should i keep it true to life and film it in america (an american surrounded by foreigners)?  should i inverse the whole situation and move the production to brazil?  or should i just choose a dream destination like italy, hawaii, england?  should take place in the past or the present?  who will direct it?  who will make cameos?  what will i say when it wins 10 oscars?  i have a lot more planning to do.  but, all in all, i think it's fleshing out nicely.

a lot of the time, i really do feel like i'm in a movie and that there should be subtitles for me.  it is a strange business with its ups and downs.  i've never experienced being a minority like this before.  finding my personality and my voice in different cultures is wonderful, but sometimes i feel so off balance like i'm missing the most key components in my own life.  in those moments i find myself badly wishing that my life actually was a movie, that there was a recognizable storyline i could make comparisons with, that when the plot twisted i would always know it was for the better.  but life is not scripted.  some side-stories lead you nowhere.  sometimes things do not end happily ever after.  some princes are not so charming.  sometimes the ugly stepsister wins.  and the whole grand point of life is that we never do know what is going to come next, which option will win out and become reality.  there are no musical cues or helpful camera angels or spotlights to forecast what is coming next.  there is only us living life day by day.

lately it has come to my attention how much i like being informed of what is to come.  i don't mind if i see the end of a movie first and occasionally flip to the back of the book to spoil the surprise ending.  i'm so grateful for fast-forwarding and speed-reading so i can pick up the pace when the going is too slow or intense.  my mind is hyperaware of innuendos and foreshadowing.  but these things don't happen in real life.  not in the moment.  perhaps you can pick it up with that 20/20 hindsight, but not before.  these days i never know what is coming in the next hour let alone around the next bend in the greater storyline that is unfurling before me.  it is an excellent exercise in trust.

waxing wistful

i miss my brothers.

this is the first time that they have both been gone at the same time.  when bry went on his mission, jacob was still around.  and when jacob was in hawaii, bry was here.  but now jacob is in puerto rico and bryan is in california and i am on my own.  siblings, at least in my experience, are often taken for granted.  and they shouldn't be.  it is not the same without them here.  i wasn't cut out to be an only child.

and, to be doubly cruel, bryan took his wife with him.  just when i had finally gotten a sister.

it doesn't make it any better that i am listening to james taylor on repeat and that it's 3 in the morning.  there's nothing for it but a photo montage.

some mood music:

let the memories flow.

one of my favorite pictures of us

bryan in a picture

jacob in a picture

in our sunday best (jacob's a little bit too starched)

we're too good for most things

baby brother

SISTER!

it is not fun to be the one left behind.