turns out

i like the socratic method.  it is terrifying, strikes fear into the strongest of hearts being called on in front of the class to be harassed into answering any and every twisted question or hypothetical that the professor can muster.  and, let me assure you, they can muster a lot.  you are expected to have an answer and and an argument on the spot because that is what lawyers do.  they think on the spot.  they have answers for everything.  they don't hesitate.  they don't show fear.  neither should we.  the point of law school is to torture students into being brave.  

it works.  the socratic method makes me work really hard learn the law because 1) i don't want to look like an idiot, and 2) i don't want to let my professor down.  when a professor cold-calls on me, it feels like they have entrusted me with the sacred task of teaching a concept.  i want to rise to the calling, to show them that their spontaneous and voluntary trust has been well placed.  

i don't feel this same symbiosis, teamwork, interdependence with teachers that don't call on me out of the blue, who give me fair and reasonable warning that they are planning on making an idiot out of me on a given day.  when i am given time to prepare, i don't prepare as well.  and i only prepare for when my preparation is necessary.  

apparently i like hard knocks.  does that make me self-destructive or gangster?  is there a difference?  jay-z probably knows.  

perfect brightness of hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

i love hope.  i haven't always.  i saw it as the lesser sister of faith.  faith is power.  faith is action.  faith moves mountains.  hope pales in comparison.  or so i thought.

hope is a lot sneakier than i originally gave her credit for.  hope has a dual identity.  it can be a wish, a desire for far off and possibly undeserved, unrealistic somethings.  it can be passive and dispassionate, as unassertive as "when you wish upon a star."  not that i dislike wishing on stars.  i love it.  but i never expect those wishes to fall into my lap.  i expect to work for the things that i want.  saying a wish is not enough.  having a hope is not enough.

but, hope can also be something much more powerful.  it is a principle of strength.  hope is that bright little light that gets you through, keeps you moving.  it is the calm that inspires faith, trust, belief, and confidence in the promise of possibility, and the might to hold on when the other, bigger virtues fail you.  this hope is not completely separate from the other.  it gets its sweetness from its wishfulness, from its ability to believe, even if just a little, in something better.

"Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, but sure and steadfast..." Hebrews 6:19

(thanks for the song, hannie.)