two in one

here are two songs that are the same song:

i went to a "the weepies" concert last friday.  it was an acoustic night and, therefore, they sang "be my thrill" acoustically.  i like the orig version of this song.  but i LOVE the acoustic.  like love, love it.  like now the recording i took of it is both my alarm clock and my ringtone.  i love love love love love love love love it.  but i don't have a full version of it to listen to on itunes and you can't download it either.  consequently, i've started listening to and enjoying the original version more.

i would like to go back to the very beginning of this post and the idea of there being two songs that are the same song.  because this is a daily feeling in my life, only a little different.  in my mind, there are two law schools that are one law school.

the original law school is like the original version of "be my thrill" because it is a lot louder and a lot faster and a lot pizzazzier and a lot more in-your-face-ier.  like law students.  they wear power suits and carry power brief cases (starting as 2Ls) and use their own rhythm to power themselves forward and into the wide and powerful world of law.  this song has that internal drive.  it gets you up and moving into to the top 10% of your class, onto law review, onto the dean's list.  

this law school isn't my favorite.  in fact, this law school is less than not my favorite.  it turns me off to the whole idea.  and that's probably why i delayed going to law school for approximately 3 years. 

but there is another law school.  the acoustic law school.  it is sweeter and slower and more unassuming.  it worms its way into your heart and makes you feel warm with possibility, promise, and sincerity.  it makes you think that maybe, just maybe, you can have all the things you wanted, all the things you've aspired to for perhaps your whole life.  

i was introduced to this law school during orientation week in the form of my dean of admissions.  his name is reyes aguilar (king eagle- a bill he fits).  he's from texas, but his family is mexican.  he's got this sort of old hollywood aura hanging around him.  that's right, i said old hollywood aura.  and what i mean by that is that he reminds you of a time when men were men, strong and silent, tall, dark, and handsome, used few words, didn't stand for overly emotional emotions, and inspired faith and confidence in all that they met.  clark gable.  that's who reyes aguilar is to the s. j. quinney school of law.  

anyway, i have seriously digressed.  

he talked to us a lot during orientation week.  on the last day, he was telling us that some of us were going to get really bad grades and that we were going to be sad because we had always been smart and for many of us, that was going to be inevitable.  and we probably all wanted to cry, but were trying super hard not to.  and then, in a bizarre fate-twist, he started crying.  completely composed CLARK GABLE started crying!  for absolutely not one apparent reason.  so, he took a swig or two from a handy water bottle, cleared his throat, recomposed himself for a brief moment, and finally said:

"my mom died earlier this year.  right before she died she gave me some advice and i knew that it was advice because she started by saying, 'listen mijo".  for those of you who don't know what mijo means, it's a term of endearment in spanish for your son.  it's like saying 'little one'.  mija is what you say when you're talking to a girl."  

well, unbeknownst to clark/reyes, i started to tear as soon as he uttered the word mijo because i knew what it meant and have recently developed a dominant soft spot for latin american romance languages.  

he went on to say, "i stopped giving advice in these things a few years ago because you get so much of it and really you just need a chance to figure it out on your own.  but this year is different because i am going to give you advice.  maybe it's because i miss hearing, "listen mijo".  so, listen mijos, listen mijas.  i want you to go home and write down why you came to law school so that you don't lose sight of what brought you here.  i want you to have it to look at when you start to forget and when you wonder why you came here in the first place.  i don't want you to lose who you are right now at this moment because that you shouldn't change in law school.  you should just be adding to it.  we chose you because of who you are right now. that is how you got here and we want you to continue being that for the next three years.  and i want you to know that my door is always open for you, even if it is closed, it is open."

let me tell you what.  i have built no defenses against a clark gable archetype calling me "my child" and telling my not to lose sight of myself and the reasons that i came to law school because they need to be my guiding light.  being addressed in familiar spanish made coming to law school with dreams of being an immigration lawyer seem oh so appropriate.  and good.  and attainable.  

moving to law school felt like a break-up with everything i have done over the last few years. and the last few months.  i've changed a lot, added a lot, refined a lot, and gained a lot; especially recently.  leaving that behind, or feeling that i had to in order to progress broke my heart.  but then there was my dean of admissions telling me i'd better not let go of all of that or else.  and that his door was always open for me.  

that is acoustic law school.  

acoustic law school helps me to like not-acoustic law school.  or bear it.  whatever.  it gets me through the classes and the homework and the just wanting to drop my classes because today is the add/drop deadline.  it helps me remember that there is more and that that is why i'm here at all.