hark, and we can hear it still

the christmas story is one of my favorites.  it has so many wonderful characters.  the donkey, who humbly and surely carried Mary to bethlehem.  the angels who couldn't help from singing such glad tidings, and the the shepherds who were worthy and ready to hear their message when it came in the middle of the night.  the innkeeper who didn't have room in his inn, but who found room in a stable.  herod, who would have had the Christ child killed.  Joseph is one my favorites.  i cannot imagine what he must have been feeling as a man, the responsibility and focus that must have been his as his wife gave birth to his Savior.  and Mary herself, who we know to be fair, obedient, faithful, and who pondered those sacred and hallowed things in her heart, probably, for the rest of her days.

but each time i read the christmas story, i read on to the wise men and the star that they followed, who knows how far and who knows for how long.  such interesting and mysterious people are these three kings from the orient, who had the means and the conviction and the belief to follow a star to their redeemer.  which leads me to the star itself, a symbol of hope and of promises hung in the heavens to be followed if sought.  sometimes i feel like a wise man, ever trailing the stars the Lord sees fit to put in my sky.

yet all of these characters would be pointless without the Baby Jesus, who was born to save us all that night, and changed the world with His birth and the promise of righted wrongs and eternal joy that it brought.

i hated law school finals

until this...

it's christmastime

and christmastime means:

1) the festival of trees

which i missed this year because law school sucks.

2) love actually.

          a) along with this,

           b) this, 

          c) and this.

3) christmas lights,

which i love despite the fact that those grinches just said that they won't be doing tours for the next four years.  (and while i'm at it, david beckham is a grinch too.)

4) rich family christmas parties.

there is talk of an olympic theme this year.  cool.  there is also talk of a pajama theme.  not as cool.

5) magic.

6) JACOB COMING HOME!!!!

7) no. school.

8) and, Christ.

and there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

and, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were afraid.

and the angel said unto them, fear not: for, behold, i bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

for unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the great debate

the debate of which i speak is thanksgiving v. christmas.

it does seem that every year, christmas comes earlier.  and thanksgiving is given less and less room and credit.  i am not going to pontificate about this.  it, much like the presidential election, is rather old and tired.

i feel i must confess, and my mother would be ashamed of me if she knew, that i don't entirely mind an extra month's worth of christmas music and santa clause, even if it is just a ploy for my money.  i LOVE christmas.  if i had my way, i would move it to february 25 so that christmas time could spread over 3 months (because, under this plan, there would be plenty of time to celebrate thanksgiving all november long and then entertain a december-january-and-february-span-of-yuletide) because january and february are generally grey and no good anyway.  but, i am not in charge of the calendar.  so, i'm just quietly saying that i don't wholly hate (and a little bit secretly like) that christmas creeps in earlier and earlier each year.

however, i don't want thanksgiving to be forgotten or abandoned either.

i have a sneaking suspicion that thanksgiving is more resilient that we give it credit for.  while it is being shunted out of ads by jingle bells and and reindeer, thanksgiving has found other, possibly less public and definitely less commercial, ways to live on.  right now gratitude lists dominate facebook feeds, instagram posts, and blog entries.  have you ever checked out what pops up when you select #thanksgivinggram or #30daysofgratitude?  it's pretty cool.  just like those puritans that landed here hundreds of years ago, their holiday is flying under the radar and finding new and uncharted places to flourish.

i kind of like it this new way.  it seems more genuine than having crate paper mayflowers and squantos hanging in grocery stores and goofy turkeys running across every commercial.  when there's not so much hype, so much pomp and circumstance, the gratitude stays authentic and honest. and i like that.

this is one of my very favorite hymns of all.  it is a thanksgiving song.  and it is wonderful.  i think it says it all.  but i have highlighted the parts that say the most.

Prayer of Thanksgiving

We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing,

He chastens, and hastens his will to make known;

The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing

Sing praises to his name; he forgets not his own.

Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining,

Ordaining, maintaining his kingdom divine,

So, from the beginning, the fight we were winning,

The Lord was at our side; all glory be thine.

We all do extol thee, thou leader triumphant,

And pray that thou still our defender will be.

Let thy congregation escape tribulation.

Thy name be ever praised! O Lord, make us free!

i'm not going to disneyland

but a lot of really cool girls that i know are.  tomorrow.

this is just another grievance that i intend to add to the ever-growing-list caused and perpetuated by law school.  it steals my money and my time and my heart and my fun.  i need all of those things.  and law school has them

the result of this pending lack of disney vacation is that i have gone to california in my mind.  in the middle of environmental law class, as i should be taking notes, i am really watching youtube videos of  the alice in wonderland ride (on silent of course).  last night, when i should have been paying attention to the words in my evidence text droning on and on and on about hearsay, i was really flying over london with peter pan.  rather than answering my constitutional law professor's question about protected first amendment speech, i sang, "yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me."  (ok, that one might be an exaggeration...)  and instead of researching how fire law has effected the kaibab plateau, i'm really searching for plane tickets that will take me to my childhood dreams.

disneyland is wonderful.  it, like christmas morning and ice cream trucks and halloween, is a direct conduit back to childhood, back to those days when to play was the thing and law school wasn't even a word in my vocabulary.

soccer

not playing soccer is my biggest, longest, and deepest life regret.  when i was little, i chose ballet over soccer.  i don't necessarily blame myself.  i mean, think of a ballerina's accessories: tutus, ballet shoes, leotards of varying colors, tights, buns.  they turn a girl's head. (it does seem a little bit out of character for me to pick pink over dirt and grass stains, though.  i guess every girl is allowed to contradict herself).  but, i didn't stick with ballet...which is another regret.  i should have continued dancing.  i shouldn't have scoffed at my dance teacher when she told me to try out for dance company.  but, really, i should have played soccer.

i didn't, though.  i didn't play soccer.  and i have to make my peace with that.  lately, however, these are what my google searches have yielded:

1) http://www.soccertools.com/soccer-rules.html  (good ol' fifa)

2)

3)  preparation.  just in case my soccer day ever does come.

4) http://www.jes-soccer.com/plays.html

5) A hat trick in soccer occurs when a player scores three goals in one game. The term "hat trick" in sports is used to refer to a certain accomplishment by a player during competition, with the feat usually involving three of something — such as goals scored — and varying according to the sport. It is believed that the term originated in cricket in the 19th century, but it has come to be used in many other sports, including soccer and hockey. There also are variations of a hat trick in soccer that involve a player scoring three goals in certain ways, such as consecutively within the same period or by striking the ball in certain ways.

6)

                  -ballet shoe soccer cleat?

7)

oh, soccer.  i wish i wasn't such a wanna be.

one of the best moments of my life, hands down, came my senior year of high school.  i was talking to one of the stars of the girl's soccer team and she said, "katie, you should have played soccer.  you would have been a baller."  sometimes i repeat that to myself when my soccer dreams keep me up at night.

#missedmycalling

uggggh

i. hate. throat. talkers.

you know.  people who can't seem to get their voice into their mouth before they start speaking, so the sound issues forth in a raspy, guttural growl.  i can't stand it.  TALK WITH YOUR LIPS, NOT WITH YOUR LARYNX!

law school has an abnormally high concentration of throat talkers.  even now, i should be paying attention to risk assessment in environmental law.  but i can't.  i am physically incapable.  all of my concentration is thrown off by the auditory assault my ears are being subjected to.

it makes me feel like this is just flapping in the breeze:

unacceptable.

my favorite word is

wish.

storms

i love storms.  especially in the summer.  being from a desert, they seem so decadent and are always answered prayers.  i have been in salt lake for the first time this summer, and, therefore, have missed an awesome monsoon season at jacob lake, which i'm pretty sad about.

there's nothing like seeing those black clouds roll in.

waiting, sometimes for days, to see if they have enough in them to actually bring the water, or if they're only show.

watching as it slowly makes its way to you:

and then loving every minute of it when the rain does come.

there's something singular about the stillness that falls, muting the light, stifling the sound, magnifying the smell that i identify with grey until that grey is spilling from the sky, scenting the ponderosas with vanilla.  

nothing i know of beats a good summer storm.  except, perhaps, the sunsets that follow.

(thanks, melindie, for the pics.  they wrote this for me.)

kinds

there are two kinds of boys in this world: those who love basketball and those who love soccer.

baby, cuz i'm a spy

do you think i could use my legal training to become a spy?  (based on my results, i'd say i'm a natural.)

do you think it has made me sneakier, more clandestine?


Espionage or spying involves a government or individual obtaining information that is considered secret or confidential without the permission of the holder of the information. Espionage is inherently clandestine, as it is taken for granted that it is unwelcome and, in many cases illegal and punishable by law. It is a subset of intelligence gathering—which otherwise may be conducted from public sources and using perfectly legal and ethical means.


how about better dressed/accessorized?

has it given me a better theme song?

has the socratic method taught me to be more charming, nervy, and quicker on my feet?

finding legal jobs in the current economical climate is more difficult than ever.  so, i'm just trying to stay aware of all my options.

waiting on the Lord

what a beautiful sentiment.  what a vital principle.

waiting on the Lord, as mary so precisely identified, means becoming His handmaid.  it means being His servant, His helpmeet, His steward, and, as such, being willing to do what He asks.  whether you want to or not.  a lot of the time, i find that i do not.  but waiting on the Lord means that you do it anyway.  and not because you have to, but because it's what the Lord has asked, and that trumps everything else.  

it also means simply waiting, patiently.  it means being still and being calm and going about life as usual until the Lord brings some change or some answer or some something to you.

i am better at option one.  by far.  that alternative allows me to work and to do, to be an active part of the Lord's process, to give something to the Lord.  when i am asked to wait, in the sense of biding my time, on the Lord, i am asked to trust that He is giving something to me.  i am asked to surrender my control and have faith that His unseen means will bring my desired ends.  i have to have courage enough to weather His storms without knowing where they will lead, and hope enough to believe it will be somewhere good.  this kind of heart does not come easily to me.

Psalms 27:14 "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

hasta luego

tomorrow is my last day at immigration court.  i'm pretty sad about that.  i have loved it there.

adoption

i have always wanted to adopt.  my interest in adoption is what led me to law school.  when i was in vienna on a study abroad, we had a family come in and tell us about their adoption process for one of our religion classes.  it was a sad, sad story full of unjust laws that worked against those children who would have benefitted so greatly from being adopted.  and so i thought to myself, "self, that is what we should do.  we should fix adoption laws."  that is what got me trotting down the long and winding path to the s.j. quinney school of law.

little did i know then that changing adoption laws would be out of the question, but that is neither here nor there.  the point is that i always have and always will think that adoption is wonderful and the life for me.  i can't think of anything better than opening my home to a child(ren) who have none.

if i could, i would adopt these little ones right now:

not that i know that they need to be adopted, but i would adopt them nonetheless.

i grew up being friends with kids from a family of thirteen, seven of which had been adopted.  one of them was adopted from the united states.  the other six have come from various places dotting china.  the adoptions didn't only make the lives of the adopted children, but of everyone in the family.  it brought another culture, language, and awareness to everyone.  it broadened the idea of family and love and relation beyond blood for so many, including myself.

i will do everything in my power to have that influence in my life.

summer driving

i never don't want to travel.  i usually look across some water for where i want to go.  but not this year. probably because i have NO money and even those dreams seem too expensive.  besides, the united states can be pretty cool.  look at everything that we have to offer.

so, i've been dreaming closer to home.  but not in the west.  i've been all over the west/southwest.  i will accept the northwest, but nothing lower than oregon and farther east than the washington/oregon/idaho border.  except for yosemite.  i will go to yosemite, but that is the only thing that i will look at in california.

that would be a great trip:

start in yosemite

drive up the oregon coast.  stop off in portland just to check it out a little bit.  end up in forks, washington.  because there is no way i am going to get that close and not check it out.

(lupe, is that you?)


or, i could check out that block of middle states past new mexico, colorado, wyoming, and montana.  you know, the dakotas, kansas, nebraska, oklahoma, indiana, illinois, ohio, iowa.  those sorts of states.  i drove through them once.  so, so many amber waves of grain.  i could drop in on the corn palace in iowa:

that entire facade is made out of corn.  i know.  i have seen it.  i think that the corn palace should have been built closer to the kansas underground salt museum, where i would also visit.  i wouldn't be opposed to stopping by mount rushmore while i'm in the area.  i would want to eat a big old slice of apple pie on someone's porch while the national anthem wafted in from some unknown somewhere.  and, in all seriousness, i would need to go to chicago.  i've never been.  a horrible oversight.

then i would round it all off by participating in a rebellious dance.

but i REALLY want to go here:

the. south.

i have been there a couple a times in my life.  and a couple is just not enough.  just look at the food they've got going on in this part of the country.  the first time i went there, the first thing that i saw was a car with spinners with 5 inch blades coming out of them.

those whirring lines in the middle of that spinner are not whirring lines.  they are whirring blades.  and as soon as i saw that, i knew that the south was a worthwhile place to be.  there are just too many things that i want to see to list, atlanta, the outer banks, plantations, anything and everything to do with gone with the wind, the great smokey mountains, maybe mardi gras...but may be not.  i could list forever.  i would want to come back changed, completely different saying things like, "y'all" and "might could" and "mmmmmmmhmmmmmmmm".  i would want to know how to cook chitlins, fish and grits, georgia peach pie, grandma's homemade baked biscuits, hush puppies, barbecue,  and deep fried anything.  i would want to get cornrows, but would be too embarrassed.  i would think i could rap, but really couldn't.  and then i would need to go to washington dc.  i haven't been there since i was 7, and that is just not cutting it.

i realize i've completely disregarded the great lakes states and new england.  as soon as they get cooler, i dream about going there too.  heh.

rhythm and blues

you can't study to rap.  but you can to r&b.  its soulful sound and optimism has mitigated the melancholy inherent in so much of law school, especially in finals season.  r&b is responsible for any triumph i may exercise over this semester's tests.

here are just a few of my favorites right now:

1) love you long time- jazmine sullivan

2) like the sea- alicia keys

- i also wish i looked exactly like her.  i tried to emulate that on sunday by doing a couple of braids loosely resembling cornrows and wearing huge earrings.  who knows if it was successful or not.

3) refill- elle varner

4) brown sugar- d'angelo

- too smooth to be healthy.

5) pass me over- anthony hamilton

- this is my favorite of all favorites.

thank you, r&b.

turns out

i like the socratic method.  it is terrifying, strikes fear into the strongest of hearts being called on in front of the class to be harassed into answering any and every twisted question or hypothetical that the professor can muster.  and, let me assure you, they can muster a lot.  you are expected to have an answer and and an argument on the spot because that is what lawyers do.  they think on the spot.  they have answers for everything.  they don't hesitate.  they don't show fear.  neither should we.  the point of law school is to torture students into being brave.  

it works.  the socratic method makes me work really hard learn the law because 1) i don't want to look like an idiot, and 2) i don't want to let my professor down.  when a professor cold-calls on me, it feels like they have entrusted me with the sacred task of teaching a concept.  i want to rise to the calling, to show them that their spontaneous and voluntary trust has been well placed.  

i don't feel this same symbiosis, teamwork, interdependence with teachers that don't call on me out of the blue, who give me fair and reasonable warning that they are planning on making an idiot out of me on a given day.  when i am given time to prepare, i don't prepare as well.  and i only prepare for when my preparation is necessary.  

apparently i like hard knocks.  does that make me self-destructive or gangster?  is there a difference?  jay-z probably knows.  

perfect brightness of hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

i love hope.  i haven't always.  i saw it as the lesser sister of faith.  faith is power.  faith is action.  faith moves mountains.  hope pales in comparison.  or so i thought.

hope is a lot sneakier than i originally gave her credit for.  hope has a dual identity.  it can be a wish, a desire for far off and possibly undeserved, unrealistic somethings.  it can be passive and dispassionate, as unassertive as "when you wish upon a star."  not that i dislike wishing on stars.  i love it.  but i never expect those wishes to fall into my lap.  i expect to work for the things that i want.  saying a wish is not enough.  having a hope is not enough.

but, hope can also be something much more powerful.  it is a principle of strength.  hope is that bright little light that gets you through, keeps you moving.  it is the calm that inspires faith, trust, belief, and confidence in the promise of possibility, and the might to hold on when the other, bigger virtues fail you.  this hope is not completely separate from the other.  it gets its sweetness from its wishfulness, from its ability to believe, even if just a little, in something better.

"Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, but sure and steadfast..." Hebrews 6:19

(thanks for the song, hannie.)

shower time

i have been known to sing in the shower.  and by sing i mean put on full concerts.  like, sold-out-show-in-the-vienna-opera-house style, holding nothing back, belting it out like that famous fat lady. 

today i sang for the first time in my new shower.  i've been showering silently since we moved in, hesitant to give my roommates tangeable evidence that i am a weirdo.  but today, i just couldn't help myself.  i mean, the shower is huge and echo-y, and after humming a few notes to test the acoustics, i was a gonner.  there was nothing for it but to sing. 

here is my typical shower playlist:

only the most emotional and melodious songs make the cut for shower-time-singing.  it is not the venue for hip-hop, and rap sounds ridiculous bouncing off the walls reminding me repeatedly that i am, in fact, not black.  no, the shower a place where emotions run free. 

my singing career started when i was 3 or 4.  i made up my own songs then, though.  my favorites were, "flowers grow and flowers die" and "you are precious, precious to me".  not only are those the titles of the songs, they are the lyrics as well, repeated to taste.  i later advanced to "somewhere out there" the reading rainbow theme.  it has exploded from there. 

it has recently come to my attention that i know next to no boyz II men.  i'm pretty embarrassed admitting that.  especially since they would make such an amazing addition to the playlist mentioned above.  starting the day off with this song and a nice shower just feels right.

grandmother

meet my grandmother

maybe i love watching downton abbey as much as i do because it feels like watching my life, or, at least, my grandmother.  just look at them, violet and effie dean, empresses of their own domains:

one and the same.  two peas in a pod.  they would be best friends if the laws of physics and reality would permit.  oh, the tea-parties that would be had, the jewelry that would be sported, the side-comments that would be made.  my grandmother is living proof that the british aristocracy is not dead.  not even in america.  court is still held, lavish dinner parties still thrown, capes still worn, and right here on normandie circle.

this regal woman

has had a profound influence on my life.  before you meet her you should know that she insists on being called grandmother.  nothing else will do.  believe me.  i have tried using other names and on one such occasion, she informed me that i had one last chance before i was dead to her.  i did get away with calling her "ganagome" when i was little, but that was only because i was so darling.  however, her hearing isn't what it once was...

like lady violet, grandmother is a strong woman with a strong personality, a strong will, and a knack for surviving.  ever since my granddad died 16 years ago, she has presided over our family.  but i am willing to bet that even when granddad was alive grandmother still manned the helm.  that's just who she is.  that's just what she does.  she has taught me much of the power that determined, tough, spirited women have.  she often tells me that i am capable of anything and she believes it enough to make it true.  

i used to think that my grandmother was like a female dumbledore.  now i know that she is really violet, dowager countess of grantham.  

some parting words of wisdom:

moving

since i graduated from high school i have moved no less than 15 times.  i admit, part of that is because i bounced back and forth between utah and arizona in the summers, but i still had to pack and unpack and repack all of my junk.

this year has been  no exception to the moving trend in my life.  i moved back to salt lake from provo and into a little place in sugar house where i lived until the end of december.  at that point, i thought i should move back home with the parents for a bit, so i sold my contract and that's what i did.  but last week, my cousin melindie and i decided we should probably rent the taj mahal which, contrary to popular belief, is not located in india, but on 1300 east 522 south, salt lake city, utah.

i wish that i had pictures to back my claims of grandeur.  but since i don't i will list the home's greatest features in a tidy list.  (since starting law school, i have started to LOVE lists and outlines.)

1) a pool
2) a slide into said pool
3) a waterfall next to said slide into said pool
4) a wrap around deck complete with posh lawn furniture and fire bowl
      a) as if my cravings for summer weren't bad enough, now summer taunts me from my own back yard as salt lake's weather grows evermore dismal
5) a floating staircase
6) oversized leather couches
7) a HUGE laundry room with built in study counter
8) a shower that feels lonely with 3 people in it
9) a window seat/niche in my bedroom
10) no tv

ok, 10 might not be an attribute, but i am telling myself that it is because it will make it so much easier to do cool law school homework.

i have never been more excited to move than i am about this one.  the house is a beaut.  but more than that, melinda and i have been talking about living together since we were just wee ones.  dreams are coming true.  good, good dreams are coming true.

and here's a good song to top it all off:

and here is a rap that i have almost completely learned:

game plans

megan and i went to our first jazz game of the season a few weeks ago.  it's exciting for so many reasons, not the least of which is finding 2012's jazz crushes.  mine remains the same: paul e. millsap.  megan, however, traded in cj for a rookie: alec m. burks.  both have proved their worth in salt, to the team and to us.

while both of our boys have been adding beautifully to the game, megs and i came up with some game plans of our own so that when we meet them (i for the first time, and meg for the second...lucky dog) they will fall in love with us forever.  this is what we have so far:

katie's game plan to win and keep paul millsap


when i meet paul millsap he will obviously ask me who my favorite jazz player is.  i will say, "john stockton," with a certain gleam in my eye that will tell him that the only way for him to convince me otherwise is with a kiss.  so, he'll obviously give me a kiss.  and then he will ask me again, "who is your favorite jazz player?"  and i will say, with gleaming eye, "karl malone."  another kiss will ensue and so on and so forth until i've gone through all of the russels, boozers, harprings, baileys, even ostertags, that i can muster until we finally land on, "paul millsap."  this is what it will look like at that moment, complete with smiling and supportive d-will in the back:

and then we'll be together forever.

megan's plan to win and keep alec burks


in november when the nba season was looking grim at best, megs went a charity game that the jazz had. and she met everyone who matters afterward, including little baby boy burks.  she loved him immediately and welcomed him to utah by having him sign her brand new i-pod.  humble alec was bemused at the request, but acquiesced nonetheless.  so, when they meet again, megan will say, "hey alec.  i just want to welcome you to utah."  alec will say, "didn't you already welcome me to utah by having me sign your ipod?"  and she'll say, "i did.  but now i'm gonna give you a proper welcome."  and she'll kiss him.  and then he'll do this:

basketball-court-love-dance-party!  they'll be inseparable from then on. 

i can't wait to carry this out.  basketball season never looked so fine.

cravings

utah is being especially tricksy with her weather this year.  today is a balmy 46 degrees fahrenheit (not celsius or our faces would melt off).  that's march/april weather.  not december.  as a result, my appetites are askew.  this is what i have been craving:


1) doing this                                                                                              here,



                                                                                                                                               

 2) getting really this                                                                                 here,

   


















3)  mucho de esto                                                                                       de aqui,

4) smelling this,

5) wearing these,

6) watching a little bit o' this,

7) and listening to some of this.

but, alas, it is january.  and the snow is sure to come and last through half of june to make up for wasted time.  somehow i need to get myself to crave things like this:

it just does not have the allure.